EtR: What led you to writing this paper?

JLB: My desire to write this story stared in 2006. I had been looking to do workshops around disability issues around my campus to make some money. Someone saw my ad on a university e-mail system and asked if I could talk about disability and sex, to a group of people who were interested in that area, I found my workshop to be really empowering and I shared my PowerPoint with others and on facebook throughout the years. Last October, a friend offered me a chance to expand my story to be published in a journal.  So this study is what I wrote for her.

EtR: Have you gotten any responses from readers that surprised you?

JLB: When the article first came out I sent it to a lot of people, but did not share it with my mom. My mom heard from others about my article and asked to read it.  To my surprise, she loved the article and passed it on to people who I was too shy to show my writing to, and they loved it. I became confident and shared with my facebook friends and to my surprise, I have yet to get any negative feedback.

EtR: Do you think you’ll continue researching topics related to sexuality? How do you see sex and desire intersecting with other issues related to bodies, health, and disability?

JLB: I would like to do more work  around sex and disability, but it’s hard. The mainstream disability rights movement shies away from the topic. I was a few meetings, where a group was talking what youth with disability needed to learn to successful in life. I brought up safe sex , and the room was filled with nervous laughter, and people changed the subject right away. I get the same reaction at party  and events when I try to talk to the” open minded sex positive person” about disability . They just laugh or ignore my e-mails. It seems like in society you have to look “good” to get the ok to talk about your sex life and desire, and if an “ugly” person says anything on the topic it’s “creepy”.

EtR:  Are there any particular toys you like to use?

JLB: I haven’t used that many toys, but have always wanted to fool around in latex, it looks so cool. I also love helping women undress. I don’t know why but nothing gets me more excited to see a woman in fancy attire, heels, maybe pantyhose, and I assist her in taking everything off slowly.

Check out Jacob Lesner-Buxton’s case study here (PDF file), and he lives in the Bay Area in case you know anyone who would like to help him out with that last answer!

Today I’ve been musing over the selections for the 30th Annual Reeling Film Festival’s selection of LGBTQ showings, and have decided to share some picks that portray the complexities of male/masculine genders and sexualities. Descriptions from the website:

Community Action Center

A.K. Burns and A.L. Steiner’s visually lush, hedonistic sociosexual video incorporates the erotics of a community where the personal is both political and sexual. The artists worked with performers to create complex gender and performance pieces that are both real and fantastical, set to a soundtrack of music and original compositions. This project was heavily inspired by 1970’s porn-romance-liberation films, which served as distinct portraits of the urban inhabitants, landscapes, and the body politic of a particular time and place. The work explores feminist fashion, sexual aesthetics, and an expansive view of what is defined as “sex.”

(A)Sexual

Not in the mood? How about never in the mood? This groundbreaking documentary provides a fascinating and in-depth look at the lifestyle and “love-style” of asexual David Jay, one of the roughly 3 million Americans who report that they have absolutely no sex drive at all. Along with first hand accounts from asexuals and insights from sexuality experts (including Dan Savage), the film com- bines verite footage and animation with fearless humor and pop culture imagery as it grapples with the question, how can someone have a sexual orientation if they don’t want sex?

Romeos

No man is an island in this sexy drama that will appeal to gay men, lesbians, and transgender audiences alike. Set against a sweltering German summer, Romeos is the story of 20-year-old Lukas (formerly Miri) a pre-op transman whose carefully controlled life turns topsy-turvy when he is assigned to the girl’s dormitory for his compulsory term of civil service. Lukas’s good looks and zest for life gain him entry into the in-crowd of anything-goes gay men, but as his confidence grows, and affections for the über-masculine leader of the pack, Fabio, become more intense, Lukas’s long-time friendship with feisty lesbian Ine hits a snag. Just when he starts to need Ine’s support, she begins pulling away, finding it difficult to recognize Lukas as the person she once knew.

Kink Crusaders

Hike up your chaps and fasten your butt-straps, you’re in for a wild night with the International Men of Leather. Whether you’re vanilla or kinky, straight or gay, or somewhere in between, the sexy, outrageous, and profoundly moving Kink Crusaders will turn your perceptions of what Leathermen are inside out. This smart and upbeat documentary traces the history of the world’s oldest annual fetish/kink competition – the International Mr. Leather contest, which now draws thousands of men from around the world to the host city of Chicago, including gay, straight, disabled, and transgender, all who come to compete for a title and a sash. You’ll walk away believing there’s a bit of the kink crusader in all of us.

And of course there are many, many more! Check out the full schedule of showings here.

So many don’t know this, but fisting is one of the only censored acts left on the so-called “Cambria List” of obscenity. Thankfully, most of these have been nipped in the bud, in part thanks to folks like Larry Flynt and Hugh Hefner. However, the last two things are explicitly feminist issues! Fisting and menstrual blood? You gotta be kidding me!

One thing that got my attention was the ubiquity of fisting as a gay, and more specifically lesbian, activity. While this is absolutely true that I could call it a queer activity (since it falls outside what would be called typical straight sexual activities), I want to stand up and proudly announce not only the eagerness of many cis boys I’ve known to fist, but also trans boys, genderqueers, trans women, and other gender non-conforming folk.

Unfortunately, after a cursory research, there’s no statistical information on fisting and the occurrence between folks! Not even the Kinsey Institute showed results. Erg! Part of this is probably because of it’s shadowing into the “other” of sexual practices.

The main folks behind this are definitely behind a holistic idea of fisting not only as queer, but celebrated among all communities. I am glad it is promoted as an essential queer and women’s right to express non-conforming sexual acts.

Here’s a few of my favorites, mainly taken from Courtney Trouble’s comprehensive list, of International Fisting Day posts. Don’t forget to check out our very own Hudson Cole on “A Hand that Wants to Fist.”

The Truth About Fisting, or, I am a Feminist and I Love Fisiting. And Porn. by Courtney Trouble

Fisting Day by Jiz Lee

Vaginal Fisting Basics by Charlotte Chaos for the Crash Pad Series

Shaking a Fist at Censorship by Liandra Dahl for Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross

..annnnd our big sister’s post It’s International Fisting Day! by Searah for Early to Bed

And just for the record… My name is Lucinda, I work on the Early to Rise website, and I’m a queer transgender woman!

Dear SK:

Congratulations, not just for your budding relationship, but for being conscious of your sexual desires. Do not listen to your friends who say that you need psychological help. Being kinky is not a mental illness!

But how will your potential new girlfriend react? I can see why this would be frightening. What if she thinks you’re a freak? What if she’s not into the same thing? These are valid fears, and I don’t want to minimize them. But you’re right to want to be completely open about who you are. You would be weakening your relationship from the start to pretend to be someone else.

A good way to start is to ask her about things that turn her on first. Does she have any fantasies? Did she do anything different with other boyfriends that really turned her on?

Now let’s be honest: the odds that someone you met just happens to have kinks that line up with yours are tiny. So let’s assume you didn’t win the sexual lottery and stumble across a secret dominatrix.

The next best case scenario is that she has her own kinks and desires that aren’t necessarily compatible with yours. For example, suppose she also wants to be dominated. This isn’t necessarily bad: someone who is open to their own kinks will understand another person’s better. There’s a good chance she’ll willing to scratch your kink sometimes if you scratch hers others.

But it’s fairly likely that she will tell you she doesn’t have any kinky fantasies. Even if she has them, she’s likely been taught you don’t discuss those things. Nevertheless, you still must be open about your own desires. It will help if you’ve thought a lot about exactly what they are. “Wanting to be dominated in bed” can mean so many things. Do you like to worship women’s feet? Be spanked? Made to cross-dress?

Not that you want to go into that kind of detail when you first talk to her about it, especially if she’s not the sexually adventurous type. But if she’s willing to explore your fantasies, she’ll want to know what to do. In this case, you’ll want to start small. If she finds these things get you hot, she might be open to try more. But be patient, and don’t expect her to do it right at first.

If you worship feet, she would probably be open to an extensive foot massage from you. If you like to cross-dress, she might let you wear her panties for a day. If you’ve got a cuckold fetish she might tell you about all the sexy things old boyfriends used to do to her. And if you like to be spanked, she might be willing to give you a swat or two before sex.

Or she might not. Then you need to decide how important your kink is to you. If your relationship is satisfying otherwise, and you have good non-kinky sex, you can’t be blamed for not wanting to throw it away over one thing. Unless, like your friends, she thinks that having kinky desires means there’s something wrong with you, and recommends therapy. If you can’t make her understand you are who you are and there’s nothing wrong with you, I’d strongly suggest you move on.

Regardless, let me recommend you check out Fetlife.com, an enormous worldwide social network of kinky people. It’s not so much a dating site (though it can be that, too) as a place where you can meet people who won’t think you need therapy for having your own distinct sexuality. Good luck!

“This is the first time a novelty manufacturer has molded a mainstream rock star or produced a sex toy line bearing a rock star’s image. We’re proud to add this to our long list of ‘firsts’ for California Exotic Novelties, and we’re thrilled to team up with Phil,” says Susan Colvin, President and CEO of California Exotic Novelties.[1]

Now we can finally rock out with Phil’s cock out and party like a rock star with that special someone. Let’s hope some more notables “come out” with their own! Dare I suggest you get swervy to this when your ready to rock with your little philly?

Let me begin at the end of your question: Is it awkward to ask for a condom? Awkward or not it’s always perfectly cool to ask someone to use a condom. If you’re not comforatble giving oral without a condom then you should suggest one. Keep the mood fun, and light…”I’m happy to go down on you, mind if I slip a condom on with my mouth?”

That said let’s talk about the actual risks involved, there is less risk of STIs in oral sex than in vaginal or anal sex but there is still some risk. It is possible to get a bacterial infections like chlamydia, syphilis or gonorrhea via oral sex. Herpes can passed between genitals and the mouth if your partner is experiencing an out break. It is not as easy to get HIV from oral sex but it can be passed through cuts in the mouth. Fun, right? A quick side note, this isn’t just about swallowing, if your partner has a bacterial infection it’s likely you may contract it whether or not you swallow, since the bacteria will be present the whole time you’re bobbing up and down on his cock. So if you are concerned about catching an STI you need to slap that condom on prior to any mouth to cock contact.  If you’re both cool with the condom you may want to put a bit of water-based lubricant (not Vaseline or oils) in the tip of the condom to increase his pleasure.

Those are the risks and though they may sound scary I think you’ll find alot of guys give oral automatically assume if it’s oral you don’t need a condom (I’ll admit to like my oral sex condom free). I’m old enough and mature enough to admit that I’ve have a couple STIs as a result of oral sex without a condom. Yes, it was embarrassing to head to the clinic and when I was younger it felt like the end of the world (it wasn’t). Since we’re in true confession land I’d actually say my blow job to STI ratio is pretty good (but there’s no way I’m breaking it down into actual numbers for you, I’m not a statistician plus my numbers might be higher than I’d want to admit publicly) but this isn’t about me, it’s about you. The most important thing is that you are comofortable with the decisions you make in your sexual encounters. If you are having lots of “fun hook ups with boys” a few of them are going to say no to condoms for oral and you’ll need to decide how to proceed. If it’s not gonna be fun for you if there is no condom then don’t do it. Suggest mutual masturbation or if that doesn’t work you may find yourself stuffing your hard dick back in your pants. I’m of a mind that it’s worth it to stand your ground. Your decision may change from situation to situation and it’s ok to change your mind and go condom free on occasion, but only if it works for you.

Stick to your guns and happy shooting.

J-mo

The project will shed light onto one transgender person’s journey through transitions, diary reflections, and more through working in various capacities as a sex worker in the Windy City. This piece is one of a kind and needs to be told!

His Kickstarter is asking for $3,000 for post-production costs – an easy fulfillment if the queer, trans, and allied community from across the U.S. would get behind it.

Check out the Kickstarter here for Jay’s bio and to contribute!

Sex Workers Outreach Project-Chicago is hosting this three-day festival at the Everleigh Social Club on the near West Side of the Loop. Tickets are $10 donations and support SWOP-Chicago.

Why am I super excited for this event? Well, it is the first time Chicago has had such an event that focuses on documenting the experiences of sex workers. But more exciting, for me, is that a friend of mine will be showing his short film on being transgender and transitioning through sex work.

Other interesting films for tonight include Red Lips: Cages For Black Girls, a piece exploring “black/racialized/criminali​zed/queer/trans/identity and its relationship with the prison industrial complex,” and Mutantes: Porn Punk Feminism which looks at seminal figures in sex work and queer activism such as Annie Sprinkle, Carol Queen, Lydia Lunch and more.

For more information and a full list of films, check out SWOP-Chicago.

Ties and Tassels have been hosting fundraiser queer burlesque parties for months now, featuring some hot, all body types, fun genderfuckerific performances!

And boys who like boys, don’t fret – there’s going to be hot performances by some boy hotties as well!

Pre-show Meet and Greet here! With performances by locals and travelers:

Comedy by Cameron Esposito
Cleveland Kings
Kyle greer
Cruel Valentine
Titty Perkins
Sweet Melissa
Jeez Loueez
Midwest GenderQueer
Gender Bent
Noah Hyman
Myles Long
Red Rum
Mistress Yola

Get your tickets here!