The Virginity Debate, BDSM, Porn, and Ethics

Photo by Kink.com and featured on Jezebel

Photo of Nicki Blue by Kink.com and featured on Jezebel

A storm of responses and frustrations arose these past weeks with the announcement of Kink.com’s live stream of performer/model Nicki Blue “loosing her virginity” and breaking her hymen on a special event for this evening.  Sex-positive and BDSM bloggers shunned Kink.com’s presentation of the traditional sexist ideas of women “loosing their virginity” and castigating it as a sex-negative ploy.

Miss Maggie Mayhem, a BDSM writer, performer and hot femme in her own right, struck back at Kink.com’s disappointing ploy on here blog.  Following, Kink.com mogul Peter Acworth responded in part with an apology and took corrective measures by labeling it as a “First Vaginal Penetration” scene on an article by Jezebel.  Less catchy, yes, but the right thing to frame it as.  Nicki Blue, for her part, has not come out formally saying this or that, but (I believe) agrees with the better representation of her special moment.

For male dabblers in BDSM and porn, like myself, and those with a sex-positive consciousness, this is a big bravo to Mr. Acworth. It’s this reason why I have recommended those interested in the rough, raunchy goodness of BDSM to check out Kink.com for their professionalism with consensual, safe, sane, and ethical scenes with their performers.

What’s possibly missing from the conversation is how Nicki Blue has felt about this.  The promo video portrays Nicki as excited to “loose her virginity,” and discusses her hymen, having it hurt to put in tampons, etc.  This is fine.  Sex-posivity informs us that we ought to respect this woman’s idea of virginity.  Is it perpetuating a largely sex-negative myth? Yeah. So yes, it should include some explanation of “hey, I know other people can and have been ‘de-virginized’ other ways, but this is special to me.”

For us guys, I think this has to be thought about deeply.  Growing up, it’s likely that virginity = 1st time vaginal intercourse has been reaffirmed time and time again by peers, the media, and even sex ed teachers.  How do we rate our sexual experiences when they’re so varied and different?  How can we as men of all different gender expressions think about our sexual past or present?

Anyway, if you want to check out Nicki Blue’s hot event that has everyone now happy and satisfied, check it out here!

Xoxo,

Luicen

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