Queering Your Sex Life: Discover Your Inner-Lesbian

What is it with men’s fascination with lesbian sex? Is it all just objectification of women?  If so, why wouldn’t we just continue watching porn or objectify women in any particular setting?  Why does “woman-on-woman” turn us on so much?  I believe there’s something more to do with our attraction to lesbian sex than meets the eye.

First. Lesbians deserve our respect, our attention, and our admiration.  Most men, particularly straight, bi, and queer, can and have been turned on by what we, in our gender, cannot do.  It’s the physical and (assumed) psychosexual inabilities that make us so hot for it!

As a queer cisgender male, I have discovered a remarkably sexy and pretty taboo aspect: my inner-lesbian.  By using a little kink and some queerity, anyone in any masculine gender and any orientation can blur the lines of their sex life, unleashing their inner-lesbian.  It takes courage, but give it a try!  You may be pleasantly surprised at what comes out, and how you and your partner can stumble upon a deeply erotic new type of play in your bedroom.

Growing up as a budding feminist, I’ve questioned my desire to watch mainstream lesbian porn, then sought out authentic lesbian porn, and finally found a deep desire to have that kind of sex.  Desiring lesbian sex in itself is pretty taboo in the kinds of highly charged political spaces that I frequently occupy.  In many of my activist circles, a cis guy would be frowned upon or even kicked out of that space for explicit desire of watching or participating in lesbian sex.  So for all us cisgendered guys, what’s a boy to do without a vagina?

It is simple: create one in your own headspace – with your partner(s), or by yourself!  There are a few ways of approaching this.

o     Dress for the occasion (or not!). You can shave, shimmy up some stockings, wear a wig, etc. – I certainly don’t discourage any fun role-playing or crossdressing desire! But gender-bending goes further than dress up time and you need not to get gussied up to play this way.

o     Ask yourself what kind of lesbian is within.  Where is my pussy? Is it my perineum (a.k.a., taint)? Is it my ass? Some guys affectionately call their ass “the backdoor pussy.”  Think about it.  The structure is somewhat similar, and our prostate has been called, by many, “the men’s g-spot.”  For the man not particularly enjoying anal play, it could be your taint or cock.  Your cock could also be your clit!

o     Approach your inner lesbian with words.  Sometimes could this includes verbal degradation.  Imagine yourself, or get your partner to call you names.  Make sure your both comfortable with those names.  “Sexy girl” or “dirty slut” could be something that triggers you into a blissful state.

o     Try out some physical contact.  Make sure you or your partner’s actions correspond with your headspace.  For some, rubbing your dick or balls may take your out of your queer playtime.  Try nipple stimulation.  If it’s with a cis woman, have her sport a strap-on and play around with it.  After rubbing each other up and down try scissoring (with your taint to her pussy) together!  If it’s with another guy, figure out where his vagina is, or what gets him feeling “like a natural woman.”

o     Feel some vibrations.  Like we’ve said on a Mythbusters article, vibes are for men, too!  And maybe some vibe rubbing on your “pussy” and “clit” will get you to a new place!  I suggest enjoying small bits of buzzing on the Delta of Frenulum.  Try it out!

o     Have her strap on a cock!  Try incorporating a dildo into the scene.  My (and her) favorite pairing for starters is the Spareparts harness with a Vixskin Tex.  Get used to touching the dildo by yourself or together, see if you’d want to put it in your mouth or butt.  If you’ve made the step to her penetrating you, you’ll find, with the right comfort, your inner workings are very similar to a vagina!  Especially if she finds that magical prostate button!

o     Get tied up.  Incorporate some bondage into your lez play.  Have her use some bondage tape or check out an under the bed restraint system.  Always give and receive consent, though!  Incorporating a bit of kink may be just the thing to get you to let go of control and bring out that hot femme inside!

o     Did I mention porn? Oh yeah, I should since it’s probably the thing that got you thinking about lesbian sex in the first place!  Check out authentic and hot titles from Sweetheart Video, Abby Winters, Juicy Pink Box, or our own big sister’s line of Early to Bed movies!  Seeing is believing, and believing is so much fun.

So I suppose the hottest piece of advice is, of course, communication.  We can all learn to explore desires and taboos with our partners and ourselves with the right communication.   I encourage you to communicate and even take a few risks with pushing different pleasure buttons.  Playing with gender and ways we have sex can be very exciting, and make us learn a lot about ourselves and how we can be sexually fulfilled!

Ok, that’s quite a bit of information to digest.  But hey, don’t think that’s the end-all-be all!  Post your musings and tips below if you’d like!

Happy playtime, ladies!



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