Going the Long Distance

Yo J-mo: My partner lives in a different state and we only get to visit each other once a month or so. Any advice for keeping things sexy long distance?

I have to admit that my knee jerk response to your question showed me exactly how old I am. Yup, that’s right, phone sex popped into my head. Having had my last long distance relationship well before the advent of sexting, skype and google web chat I went old school. When I was doing it I didn’t even have a cell phone (which was good because the connection was much clearer on my land line). I guess I should be happy I wasn’t sending sexy telegrams. Now that I’ve pulled out the old “well back in my day” cliche, I want to point out that old school has its merits. I’m a fan of romantic and/or incredibly dirty letters. They may be awkward to write but they can be pulled out when your schedules don’t match up for calls or webchats, to be used as inspiration for solo sessions. Plus starting with the written word may get the ball rolling on those more techie options.

The tech options are fun if they are available to you and you can get over any sort of performance anxiety. If you’re only seeing each other once a month you’re probably going to be able to put horny before feeling silly. Besides, if skype is good enough for Oprah, it ought to be good enough for you and your partner. (A side note here, I’m not suggesting for a second that Oprah has naughty video chat sessions). Just like many things tech-based you want to be careful here because things on the web can last forever. If you don’t want it to be around forever make sure that you’ve agreed on a no recording policy and follow up. The last thing you want is a vengeful ex posting your solo for his eyes-only shows on xtube.

If you really can’t get into the long distance communication thing via any available means (writing, phones, video chat) then you should explore sharing in other way. Give your partner a pair of your skivvies to fondle and sniff and behave in naughty ways with when you are apart. If underwear is not your thing you might buy each other toys for solo play. Something you use when you’re together and then which one of you takes with to relive the experience when you’re apart. When you reunite, they can show you (or you can show them) how it was used while you were apart.

Long distance relationships are tough but can be very rewarding. As with any relationship communication is key in general, not just when it comes to keeping it sexy. If you find creative ways to reach out and touch each other it will help keep things fresh both while you’re apart and when you’re together.

Good luck, and reach out touch someone.

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