The Civilized Man’s Vaseline – A Review for Please Stroke Cream

by NickyM

I am sending in this review for Please Stroke Cream via Gmail and these are the ads on my side-bar: Scented Hand Cream. Hydrating Eye Cream. Whip Cream Maker. Cream of Potato Soup. Q: Besides being various and sundry creams, what more do they have in common? A: These are all things that I would have used to try to get myself off as a 13 year old.

I am pleased to say that I am many years down the road of enjoying masturbation for more than its possibilities in frequency and ferocity. I have tried a handful of sleeves and butt plugs with various lubes, and mix them up for the variety of texture and approaches. Perhaps I have gained the vanity of a masturbatory sophisticate, but it seems that the only time that I uncork myself manually is when I am traveling or staying at my parents’. Under such circumstances it is a dry process requiring only the expert management of friction that practiced knowledge of one’s craft can produce (and a means to clean my surroundings). It would be an elegant display of skill but that it seems so dishonorable of a discharge.

Among the growing number of toys for men’s play, Please Stroke Cream is a humble offering to self-play. It has no suction, no nodules, no extensions, no need for cleaning or hiding spots in the underwear drawer. It comes in a compact container, smaller than the typical tub of pomade. It has a attractive scent, something like a lightly buttery citrus, and in texture is similar to a hair product with a light hold. And it is a very attractive and enjoyable way to get back in touch with yourself.

Please Stroke Cream has the slick lube feel of Vaseline but with the cleaner feeling of hand lotion. It is something of a green technology to the fossil fuel of petroleum jelly (so cruelly maligned by teenagers through ignorant “butt seks” associations). Having gone back and forth in testing both, I found that the Stroke Cream produces a very comfortable and consistent glide with a performance that is reminiscent of, if not quite the same as, Vaseline. The clearest difference is that in that unromantic moment after finishing, there is much less of a “get this off me right now” feeling. It is less goopy and washes off much more easily and cleanly, a very nice advantage unless you want to include the shower as a venue. In its friendliness to handle, the Stroke Cream is much similar to the other bathroom mainstays of hand lotions and moisturizers. But in performance, when used for masturbation it does not ever lose its viscosity nor does it rub in, even throughout a long session. And no need to even try comparing it with baby oil, that thin, perfume-y, dazzlingly slick, but ultimately disastrous substance.

One thing to keep in mind is that it is not latex-compatible and not recommended for intercourse. However, it is a great and agreeable substance to entice a partner for hand jobs. Water-based lube would dry out before the task could be completed, and whereas unlubed attempts can range from not-quite-right to disasters (my college roommates once collected themselves into the lobby group and brotherhood MAME: “Men Against Manual Ejaculation”), you can adjust the amount of the cream used to help even the most uncertain partner make the most fickle orgasm happen. On your own, choosing different levels of coating can supply a good range of workouts from light to downright self-abusive. And while I have come to be very fond of masturbation sleeves, it was very nice and surprising that the trade-off for giving up the coziness and clever textures of a sleeve is the amount of control that you have manually, being able to focus and manage pressure on just the right spots. Getting to try this product out reminded me of how simple and enormously satisfying it is to just get yourself off without any big toys or tricks, but without the attention requirements and limitations of doing it dry.

Please Stroke Cream is just exactly what a cream for masturbation should be. It is not a revelation in itself, being an assistant to such a familiar mode of getting off. But it is a capable assistant, smells great, and is downright hygienic and civilized compared to the alternatives. It is an excellent way to mix up your routine and get back to thrilling basics, or just help you do what you do best on a regular basis. It would also make a great medicine cabinet stocking stuffer for your local post-pubescent teen. Both he and the cream of broccoli soup with thank you.

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