Yo J-mo: I’m a gay man who doesn’t like butt sex. I don’t like topping; I don’t like bottoming. Am I the worst homo ever? I love everything else about sex, but I’m worried that no one will want to be with me if I don’t want to do anal. Help!
Dear Anti-Anal: Yes, you’re the worst homo ever. Please turn in your membership card immediately. Wait…where are you going? I kid. I’ve known quite a few guys in your position and many of them lived happily ever after. Though it is common for folks to equate being a homo with butt sex, it is sort of a juvenile way of thinking. Not all acts are for all people. Just because you like the sight, smell, taste, etc of a dude does not mean you have to insert tab B into slot A(nus).
The tricky part is navigating through this with your potential partners. Unless the goal is sex shortly after meeting, I would steer clear of “Hi, I’m Fred. I don’t like anal play.” Sex is a series of negotiations that can be verbal or nonverbal, exploring to see what feels right with that person. If you get asked a direct question about anal play before, after or during sex, answer it honestly. It may also be good to be prepared with a list of the hot activities you do enjoy. Yes, for some guys it’s going to be a deal breaker, but not for all. If you get into a relationship with someone who understands that you don’t like it in the butt that may not mean that it’s the end of the story. At some point if your partner decides they want to explore their butt (or yours) you’ll have to talk it out. Are you willing to compromise? Can they have a toy for solo sessions? Would you do it once a month if he takes out the trash, etc. etc. Honestly, some guys will be jerks about this and try to make you feel like a bad homo. Trust me when I say those guys aren’t worth your time.
Good luck and happy doing everything butt.
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