Introducing: Hudson Cole, Advice Columnist Sextraordinaire

Hudson Cole and his puppy extraordinaireI’m a mid-20s straight male from the South, where I was raised in a very conservative home. Coming from a region in the U.S. that is starved for information about sex and sexuality, I love to educate and talk about sex as much as I can. I found Early to Bed while moving to Chicago and exploring neighborhoods with my girlfriend, and I was blown away by the store and the people there. I have a job that takes me away from Chicago often so my relationship to the store has been mostly through my better half, but I also write toy reviews as one of EtB’s Carnal Consultants.  My expertise in sexual matters stems from my own nerd tendencies — I love books, blogs, films, podcasts and if they all happen to be about sex, well that’s even better. I hope to encourage more males to come into the shop, alone or with a partner. I want to show people that smart sex shops can exist and that straight males need not be afraid.

–What is your favorite sex toy?
My favorite sex toy would have to go to my tub of Stroke 29. It’s an oil-based lubricant that I am not sure qualifies as a sex toy but I love it.  It has opened a whole new world to me.  I am so smitten, in fact, that I often give the sample packets as gifts to my friends. I am passing these out like Gideon’s Bibles.

–What is your first memory of sex?
I vaguely recall having a funny feeling in my pants as a tyke and not having the slightest clue what was going on with me. Comedian Louis C.K. puts it much more articulately than I do but he recalls his own “What the hell is an erection and why can’t I hump a telephone pole?’ frustration as a child. My more favorable moment in sexual memory would have to be the great Snowy Porn discovery of 1993. My God, what a crowning moment of achievement in my adolescence. I caught on that if I quickly switched back and forth on the blocked channels I could catch a half-second of nudity. I ended up spending many a Saturday night performing the modern-day equivalent of a frame-by-frame “talkie” peep show. I will always owe Showtime (or possibly Cinemax?) a debt of gratitude.

–Will you tell a funny or embarrassing sex story of your own?
The most recent “FAIL” was the time I decided to try my hand at sex in the great outdoors. Now, I am no city boy and consider myself well-versed in the outdoor arts.  However, I had never had camping trip sex. One day not too long ago, my girlfriend and I set off on a canoe trip. When we reached the end of the river we were instructed to pull into a special alcove and have the rental place pick us up after what we were told would be a 45 minute wait.  So, there, alone in the wilderness, we decided to “kill some time.” As I happily led the way into the forest, I was stopped dead in my tracks by an excruciating pain in my legs. I instinctively reached down to grab my calf, thinking I had been attacked by a bug, but then my arms were on fire. I had stumbled into some mysterious patch of microscopic thorns which now covered me from head to foot. Like a scene out of a bad Chris Farley movie, I tried to climb out of the thorns, slipped, and then my shorts were filled with thorns, and I waved my arms around, trying to keep them above the brush and my girlfriend was freaking out and I was freaking out and the pain was only intensifying. So I ran back into the cold water to soothe my body and hope the burning would eventually subside, which it did. To this day I still have my outdoorsy cherry.

–What is your favorite sex act?

I said it once and I will say it again, pussy is the breakfast of champions. I once ate so much pussy my jaw hurt for about 24 hours afterwards. I couldn’t really talk or eat during that time (my 2nd and 3rd favorite things).  I liken this to eating the entire tub of cookie dough as a kid.  If I’m not careful, I will eat too much and make myself sick. All things in moderation…even moderation. I could author a book of sonnets on the joys of giving oral sex.

Got a burning question for Hudson? Email it to eden(at)early2bed(dot)com and he’ll answer it for you!

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